


Stick Together and See it Through

by celestialbisexual



Series: Connect the Dots [1]
Category: Constantine (Comic), Hellblazer & Related Fandoms, Justice League Dark (Comics)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Platonic living together, also threats of murder, i just really need them to be friends, john's self loathing shows up a fair bit for a fic that is supposed to be funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 15:23:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15197666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestialbisexual/pseuds/celestialbisexual
Summary: “You don’t have a toaster. You have a fucking demon butler, and at least three different swimming pools, one of which is on fire, but no toaster. How are you still alive?”





	Stick Together and See it Through

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a kind of lead-in to the big JLD series I want to do. Basically it goes AU after issue #18 and I'm just gonna go buckwild from there. 
> 
> Title is from You've Got a Friend in Me because I think I'm funny

Two days after that whole mess with Nick, and the Books, none other than Black bloody Orchid shows up on his doorstep.

“What the hell do you want?” He grumbles. She shoves past him into the House, nearly knocking him off his feet.

(If he’s being fair, the bottle of whisky in his fist had more with that then she did, but he’s not much interested in being fair right now.)

“I quit A.R.G.U.S.” Orchid says. She’s standing in the middle of his living room now, staring stonily ahead.

“I hear the price of corn’s dropped recently.” He replies. She whirls to face him, brow furrowing. He meets her with a shrug. “Y’know, since we’re talking about things I don’t care about.”

 There’s a long, shocked moment before her confusion melts into all-too-familiar anger. “I quit because of you, you prick!”

 “Well that’s very flattering, luv, but I’m interested in nothing you have to offer.” He lets his smile turn lecherous. “Well, almost nothing.”

 She surges towards him, and he doesn’t even register the hit until he’s flat on his back with her towering over him, fists clenched. His jaw stings.

 He thinks, idly, that she could actually kill him. He wonders if he’ll stop her.

 “I saw your fucking _file_ on me.” She hisses.

 “Well that’s your own bloody fault for snooping about in my things.” He says, quite rationally he thinks.

 “I didn’t want to- I was happy being an _agent,_ John. I didn’t have anything, and ARGUS gave me a purpose, and a family.” She wrapped her arms around herself, shrinking down. “And now I find out it was all a lie. They were just using me.”

 John sits up slowly, careful to telegraph his movements. “Hey now, darling, that’s okay. Everybody’s families disappoint them sometimes. At least you never had to deal with the creepy uncles round Christmastime.”

 Orchid glared, before snorting and shaking her head. “You’re an asshole, John.”

 “So they tell me.” He stands up fully, no small feat. Orchid for her part, watches and laughs softly, not helping him in the slightest.

 “I am going to regret this.” He scrubs a hand across his face. “Do you… need a place to stay?”

 Orchid blinks. “I… do actually.”

 “Well, we’ve no lack of guest rooms, so…” He trailed off, waving a hand to indicate the infinite rooms beyond.

 “I- thank you John.” They stared at each other for a moment, profoundly uncomfortable.

 “Right well, there’s always the master bedroom, if you’re interested.” He grins, adding an exaggerated waggle of his eyebrows so she knows it’s a joke. She gives a short, startled, barking laugh.

 “Go fuck yourself.”

 “If I must.” He sighs, turning dramatically and wandering down the hall.

* * *

“You don’t have a toaster.”

 John opens his eyes, and then immediately wishes that he hadn’t. Even the weak light that’s slipped past the curtains is enough to remind his head that he deserves to be punished.

 “Don’t need one.” He groaned, rolling away from Orchid. “Go away, you evil bitch.”

 She rolled him back over with entirely more force than was necessary, and shoved a water glass and two pills into his hand. John took them without thinking. If she was planning to kill him, she would’ve done it by now, and probably not with poison.

 She waits until he’s sitting up again, and he’s no doubt it’s the last mercy she’s going to offer him. “You don’t have a toaster. You have a fucking demon butler, and at least three different swimming pools, one of which is _on fire_ , but no toaster. How are you still alive?”

It’s a reasonable question, but John’s always found that if he dwells on it too long the question becomes ‘why are you still alive?’ and he tries to avoid that line of thought whenever he can, so he just shrugs. “Didn’t think a toaster was necessary to life. If you want something ask the House.”

 She scowls, but nods.

“This place is fucking weird.” She calls over her shoulder as she leaves.

 “No one’s making you stay.” John calls back, before sinking back down for a few more hours of blessed unconsciousness.

* * *

 When he wakes a few hours later, his headache has faded to a dull throb, and Black Orchid  is standing over his bed again.

“Oh God, please tell me you weren’t watching me sleep.” He groans, sitting up.

Her upper lip curls. “Definitely not.”

He scoffs. “Hey now, I’ve been told I’m ‘downright adorable’ when I’m asleep”

“By who, exactly?” She asks, tone disbelieving and amused.

It had been Nick Necro actually, back when he was a lovable asshole and not a murderous asshole, but he doesn’t think that telling her that will do either of them any good. “Doesn’t matter. Did you want something?”

“Yeah. Your wifi password.” She’s rocking on her heels now, waiting for him to reply.

He does so slowly, drawing the words out. “My… wifi password. I’m sure I have… one of those. Somewhere around here.”

She stares at him. “You don’t know it? What do you use when you need to get on the internet?”

“Chas, mostly.” He replies easily. “Or the library. Wonderful places, libraries. Real wealth of information.”

Black Orchid sighs, sounding truly long-suffering for someone who’s been in the House for less than twenty four hours, most of that not in his company. “I’m gonna go ask the House. Have fun in the Stone Age.”

The finer points of John’s impassioned speech about the importance of libraries were then lost to Orchid’s retreating back.

* * *

The next time Orchid finds him, he’s sipping shitty coffee and reading a book about fate. It’s all very theoretical, and very useless to his particular situation.

“Are you wearing reading glasses?” Orchid asks delightedly.

“Yes, I’m wearing reading glasses, I’m so old I’m practically a dinosaur, was I even around when cars were invented, etcetera etcetera.” John glares at her. “My niece said everything that you’re about to say, and she’s funnier than you, so fucking can it.”

“I didn’t know that you had a niece.” Orchid says, sitting across from him.

“I’m not asking for details about your personal life.” She adds hurriedly. “I’m just impressed that A.R.G.U.S doesn’t know about her.”

“Thank God.” John mutters. “And if you ever do anything that brings her harm…”

“You’ll do something horrible to me.” She finishes. “Don’t worry. Even if I do decide to kill you one day, I’d never hurt your family.”

John blinked. “Well, that’s.. Good. I’d prefer you didn’t kill me, if it’s all the same to you.”

“I’d prefer that to, but you know,” she shrugged, “plans change.”

“Anyway, you need to call the team.” She says, like she hadn’t just threatened his life.

“No.” He says, and then, “why?”

Orchid grins, leaning over the table towards him. It’s slightly terrifying. “Because, John, I have a case for us.”

  


**Author's Note:**

> please please please comment!


End file.
